Nonexistence
by aphrodisiac bliss
Summary: Ginny is completely lost, she doesnt live... she is just there... is it possible that someone can help her?
1. Prolouge

A/N: hey guys, my last story didnt work out to well, so this is my second attempt at a fanfiction. so please be nice, review alot! cause god knows i need all the help i can get. And i will try my hardest to update as fast asi possibly can. and if you want to see something happen in the story just tell me and ill do my best to make it happen. thank you and good bye!

Ginerva Weasley, she started out as the quiet, and timid yet normal little sister of the famous Harry Potter's best friend, Ronald Weasley.

Three years ago she changed. After being seduced by Tom Marvolo Riddle, she became reliant on his love. Then a young and naïve

Harry Potter, set on maintaining his hero status, tore Tom from Ginny's existence. Without the constant drug-like supply of Tom's

affection, Ginny became haunted. She no longer saw reason to try to live. Not that she became suicidal, but it was close. She no longer

ate unless being forced by worried friends, but in her mind they weren't friends, if they were truly friends they would leave her to die.

Ginny also stopped putting effort into her studies. She didn't try to achieve relations with anyone, friendly or romantic. For the most part

Ginny Weasley was an empty shell of a human being. She like Harry had some of Lord Voldemort's powers transferred into her being

when she was possessed by Tom. The only difference between Harry and Ginny now –power wise—was that Ginny was already an

extremely powerful witch. Although no one had taken note of her extensive abilities even before her run in with the dark lord. Ginny was

filled and almost overflowing with amazing power, yet she no longer did magic unless called upon in class which was rare, most of the

teachers feared her after the incident in the chamber of secrets. Also because of the fact that her mind was completely saturated with

Voldemort himself at some points, she possessed, still, some of his feelings and emotions.

This is a story of love, this is a story of why one might choose to or to not live, this is a story of death. Told by the heroine herself this

story will explore the workings of a young and lost girl who lives in a world that doesn't make sense.


	2. What One Should Do

A/N: okay... since i have absolutely nothing to do i figured i'd write another chapter... you might even be seeing another one tonight... i dont know... we'll see what happens

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I'm walking down the corridor on my way to fake lunch. I call it fake lunch because its not real nothing's real anymore, I don't eat any of the food, I pretend to eat it… its fake. 

_tap tap tap_

Oh shit what's that? Oh god I hope it's not peeves! I can't deal with peeves right now!

"Oh look, it's mini weasel!" said the intruder of my space.

You know what, I'm not even going to acknowledge his presence. Just keep on walking Ginny, don't let that stupid nickname get to you.

"Can you talk? Or are you retarded now, as well as ugly?"

_Shut up Malfoy you stupid git SHUT UP!_ Let it go Ginny, he does this to everyone, just keep on walking.

"You know what mini weasel, maybe you should get plastic surgery, it wouldn't do anything for your sex life, cause let's face it… that's a losing battle, but it might make it a little less painful to look at you."

Okay that's it! Screw not caring! Screw just walking away! _Malfoy… YOUR DEAD!_

So, I turn around and see that albino rat inches from my face. He looks slightly frightened… he should. I grab the front of his shirt and back him in the wall… hard, very hard.

"You stupid fucking git!" I tell him, "you cant fucking leave me alone, can you?" he seems to whimper a little bit… good.

"I—I was just…" he said… scared when moment earlier he was just begging me to do this, maybe he's forgot that he's bigger and stronger that I am… _idiot._

"I don't care what you were 'just' doing Malfoy!" I shouted, "what I care about is getting to –ahem- lunch, without being called stupid and ugly!"

"I—I'm sorry" he sputtered.

"Well you should be, you rat!" I shoved him into the wall again, "get the fuck away from me Malfoy, before I have to hex you!"

"Yes Ginny…"the coward muttered.

"You're not allowed to call me that you scum!" and I walk away.

* * *

I sat up in bed breathing heavily, I hadn't done those things…. I hadn't said those things… I had just walked away like a coward. I sunk back down into my itchy nest of blankets and stared at the canopy for hours until I could see the sun shining through the window. 

Little did I know at the time, that there was someone in the shadows… watching my haunted face staring it to space, much less did I know that that someone was there every night… every single night, just watching me sleep. I later found that the someone's reason's for sitting there every night were a little more involved than just watching me sleep.


	3. To Whom You May Concern

A/N: hey guys... im goin alittle bit over board here... but there is another chapter about three centimeters away from this word. its short... and the chapters will probably all be short... but im doing my best.

_

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_

_To whom it may concern,_

_My name is Ginny Weasley. I don't have a reason to live. I'm a coward though; I don't have the courage to end it. I'm scared of what I might find once my body no longer inhabits this plane of existence. It could be worse than it is here. Why take the risk? I am writing this letter as an apology to whoever is reading it. I apologize that I am here, I'm sorry that you have to deal with me, I'm sorry that you have to see me walking down the corridor, I'm sorry that I get in your way, I'm sorry about three years ago when I terrorized the entire school and wizarding community, I'm sorry that I was weak enough to allow that to happen, I'm sorry that I'm still to weak to save you all from myself, I'm sorry I cant die, but let nature take its course and maybe soon I wont have to do it…the world will do it for me. Professor Dumbledore I remember vividly when you called me to your office, you told me it wasn't my fault, that there was nothing I could've done. But I'm telling you that there is something I could've done. I'm telling you that I didn't, I didn't because I enjoy my possession. i could've told Tom no, but I loved him…and he loved me, but he left anyway. So now I no longer exist, I left with him and only my body remains. _

_I'm Sorry,_

_Ginny Weasley_

* * *

I write letters, that's what I do when I'm not staring off into space imagining I was still with him.

I write letters for people to find once I'm gone, I write them all in this diary that is engraved with my name. This diary is identical to the one belonging to Tom, I found it on my bed after leaving the chamber of secrets. When I write in it I feel like he's holding me, I feel like he's right next to me wrapping me up in his strong arms.


	4. Oblivious

I open my eyes

Why is he here?

I had fallen asleep writing my letters, the pressure of my journal leaving my chest woke me, I am a light sleeper anyway.

But why is he here?

This isn't one of my dreams is it? Lately I had been dreaming less about Tom and more a Draco Malfoy, these dreams consist of me pummeling him till he cried blood. This passionate rage against Malfoy erupted it seems from no where, but still it's there. And every time I see him it stirs inside of me. I need the solitude of my new life though, so I ignore it. I need the loneliness as punishment for what I did.

But why is he here now, when I'm awake?

I look from his face, to his white blonde hair cascading down just past his shoulders and further down, he has yet to realize that I have woken. My eyes fall upon his hands, not his hands exactly, but what he holds so delicately in his hands. My journal. My heart is pounding, my head is racing.

Why does he have that?

Why is he reading it?

Why is he here?

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A/N: hey guys, sorry i took so long, i had mucho studying to do with exams and all, but i finally got some freetime : )

another short one...but ill have more chapters up soon!

thanks julie! your my only reviewer! and i read your story and i LOVE IT! its really dark, but great! and yes, i also like short chapters and long fics, good thing that i'm planning on continuing this one for a while. if you have any suggestions they would be much appreciated!


	5. First Stand

His eyes flicker from side to side, reading my heart.

Why is he doing this? Shouldn't be down in the dark murk of the dungeons?

Suddenly I see his fingers relax and go limp. My diary, my journal, my heart and soul went plummeting towards the floor.

I, on instinct darted my arm out to catch it before its pure corruption was contaminated by the floor.

Draco's eye's widen as he realize that I'm awake.

He backs away from my bed.

I sit up, hugging the gift from Tom.

He stumbles over my trunk and falls backwards.

I feel tears stinging my eyes, my life was invaded, all of about two minutes ago, and all I'm doing is sitting here hugging myself, Tom would be ashamed.

I let the rage envelope me for a moment, I jerk up with my wand drawn I dash to where Draco is sitting, stunned.

I ask him, "Why are you here?"

He just stares.

"Why the fuck are you here Malfoy?" I yell, surprised at my bold words.

He also seems surprised, "I – I was g – going to put a s – care you." His breathing hitched he had almost a solemn air about him.

_Patrificious Totalus _

I cursed him, he was going to scare me, pathetic.

I suppose I inherited Tom's fury, I could no longer listen to him stutter and watch him gawping at me.

I looked at my diary, there was a page folded from when Malfoy, the stupid git. I opened the diary to the bent page……_oh god, no_...

A/N: It's a little longer than the others! im kinda proud, i'm not gonna lie. yea, but review, and i'll write more! i'm not _exactly_ sure where i'm going with this though, so PLEASE any suggestions would be amazingly wonderful!


	6. Letters of Death

_Dear Draco,_

_I know when you or if you get this letter that you'll think to yourself, 'who the fuck is this girl, and why is se writing to me!' Well to answer the inevitable questions my name is Ginny Weasley, please refrain from cringing or sneering at my name. You have spent your years at the hell they call Hogwarts torturing and ridiculing my brother and his friends, and once in a while myself. The reason that I'm writing to you is to tell you something that I could never tell you without being shunned by my family and the entirety of Gryffindor house. _

_I don't hate you._

_In fact,I like you.You remind me of my one true love, Tom. Or Voldemort as you would know him as. i find myself having some of the same feelings and notions towards you as i did towards him, if you weren't such an assI believe that i could've liked you a lot more, maybe even loved you, but then again I doubt you could've managed to not make people want to die, your life just wouldn't have been fulfilling without it. I don't blame you for taking out your asinine pettiness on my family and friends connected to my family. Although I do blame you for the hours of complaining I've endured from the dumb-ass Ronald and the equally idiotic Harry and Hermione. So now that I've willingly wasted away to nothingness i figured you should know whatI thought and felt, but I'm dead now, so it's your loss._

_Sincerely,_

_The Girl You'll Never Know_

_P.S. __If you ever find yourself as a death eater –which I'm sure has already happened—be sure that you tellTom that I love him…also that he's the reason I'm dead or close to dead._

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_A/N: _this is the second version of this chapter that i wrote, i posted the first one and if anyone read that, i'm sorry for the inconvenience but i think that this one allows the story to develope more the way that i want it to. once again it's not as climactic as i might've liked it to be, or led you to believe it would be but i hope you liked it anyway.

Julie- thanks for reviewing so fast, and sorry again

Goddess of the Dark- thanks for reading and for the suggestion, i'm definatly considering using it!


	7. Memories

_Extrico (free)_

I released Draco from my patrificus totalus.

He jumps to his feet and has this nervous look on his face like I'm going to hurt him because I don't hate him like I should …_idiot_

Before he can turn to leave I erase his memory, a simple answer to a complex problem.

_Obliviate brevus tempus (erase short time)_

Draco stumbled backwards; when he is balanced he looks at me like I am crazy – like a crazy person looks at their caretaker. –

"What the hell am I doing here Weasley!"

I consider messing with him, but I decide that it is probably better not to.

"I don't know! You just kind of… walked it!" I said 'clueless,' "this _is_ Gryffindor tower you know!"

Draco looks at me weird and leaves.

Now that I think of it I _don't_ know why the little git was here in the first place.

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A/N: woah! really short chapter, does anyone have a problem with that? cause i could try to make them longer if you want.

i'll have a new one up soon! please review!


	8. Left Alone

The next morning I did something very out of the ordinary, I got up to go down to the great hall early. I don't do this because if you supposedly over sleep no one asks questions about why you're not eating, also because I prefer to spend as little time around the ones I betrayed as possible.

I don't know why I felt the urge to come get up early. When I walked through the two oversized doors I saw that there were very few people occupying the benches, Draco Malfoy was one of them.

I walked forwardly towards the Gryffindor table and sat down at the end of it, far away from the other two people sitting at the same table.

Once I had accomplished the actual getting up early and sitting in the great hall I had no idea what to do. I sure as hell wasn't going to eat, I hadn't brought my diary to write letters in, I had no left-over assignments that were incomplete, so I just sat there…wondering why I was awake.

Just then, I heard footsteps coming up behind me. The steps were quiet, almost cat-like.

"Not eating?" I could tell this was said through a smirk.

"Not hungry." I said sharply.

I turned around to face my annoyance. The desecrator of my peace was none other than the ferrety blonde.

"Why are you still here?" I asked, rudely

"Watch the tone Weaslette, whatever could I have done that would've provoked such unfriendly behavior?" He asked with mock innocence.

"Whatever could I have done that would've provoked such an ass to be in such close proximity to me?" I asked, followed by a blank stare.

"Touché" he said sarcastically, "maybe you should employ some of that wit in your family's name, you might be able to earn a few extra galleons insulting men while stripping for them at the club I go to on Knockturn, you'd make a better living there than your fuck up of a father does at the ministry."

Woah, low blow Malfoy, my family and virtue in one sentence! I've never seen that mixture before! I thought.

I rolled my eyes.

"Isn't that a gay club Malfoy?" I asked innocently

"Whore!" he said, his pride bruised. He walked aristocratically back to his table and sat down.

I turned around again and I could feel his eyes burning wholes in my back.

I remembered the dream I had yesterday night, I had stood up to Malfoy. Except I had _actually_ just stood up to Malfoy, not a dream!

_8-8-8_

_why was he in my room last night?_

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_A/N :_ okay so the last part is really random but i don't wanna forget about it, or anyone else to forget about it...so, yea. uhm, i would still appreciate suggestions if you are so inclined to provide some. and thanks for reviewing!

elvra- thanks for reading, hopefully it will become more than 'interesting' as te story progresses

goddess of the dark- this one is a little longer and i'm trying to get to three pages on my next chapter, thanks for continuing to read!

julie-it's longer and it's an update!


	9. Realization

A/N: SORRY!

sorry it took so long for me to update, i've been having a really rough time lately and im not going to go into detail, but let's just say that it was pretty bad. once again im sooo sorry, and enjoy!

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I decided to leave the Great Hall before anyone else came down for breakfast, to avoid any further questioning. I couldn't go back to Gryffindor Tower, for there were sure to be people up and about, readying themselves for breakfast. I couldn't just wander about, I'd run into people. I suppose I could go outside, but the wind and grass caressing my skin would feel too much like living.

I, without a place to go, without a direction, just started walking. I knew I was walking towards something, or someplace, but I had no idea of what or where it was. So I just kept walking.

After about ten minutes I found myself at the bottom of the stairs heading up towards the astronomy tower. _Might as well_, I thought, and I started climbing the staircase.

I reached the top and opened the beautifully carved door, which I had yet to notice in my silent reverie of pain.

An enormous gust of cold air came rushing towards me, which was weird I thought, because it was September and supposedly still very warm out; I wouldn't know though, since I hadn't been outside the castle since arriving here.

I stepped into the room and no one was there, no one that could've produced such a wind. I looked about and my eyes landed on the only open window, I cringed at the thought of closing it and letting the warm air come near me and liven my skin. However, there was something pinned to the window sill, a letter and I just could not ignore it, there was a sort of pull to it that made me itch to see what it said.

I walked slowly toward the window, still unhappy out the wind that would soon me upon me. I reached for the letter, and it reached for me. Rather than me pulling the letter away, the letter pulled me forward.

Warm air cascaded down my face, my skin flushed from the exposure, and I grimaced.

I lifted the letter from the place of its entrapment and opened it.

For some reason I wasn't surprised that it was addressed to me. I unfolded the paper and read:

_I love you too Red Flame. _

_Loving me is a good reason to die._

_Tom_

I thought he was dead….how did he know?

I had checked the journal for ways of contacting Tom, none had shown.

How did he know!

He couldn't have…Malfoy?

How can a man with no spirit possess someone?

No wonder Malfoy was acting so dazed.

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A/N: uh, so it wasnt really longer, but it is getting better... i think, but i dont know, you tell me what you think!...By the way im thinking that i could use a beta, so if you want to, or know anyone who might be interested in beta...-ing my story that would be fantastic! thanks!

shewhodanceswithsquirrels- thanks for reading it! and im still working on the lenght of the chapters, so be patient!

goddess of the dark- thanks for continuing to read! it will be longer next time I PROMISE!

jinglebopper-thank you sooo much : ) keep reading!

power of the stars- I REALLY AM TRYING: )

tomsgirl- thanks for still reading! and pleeeeeaaaase keep on thinking of suggestions, i need some help! but if you can't think of any thats okay too! just the fact that i have people reading my storry is worth a smile!


	10. Mary, Bloody Mary

Shocked into a dazed state, I did the only thing I could think of to do… faint.

……

I woke up to the blank cold stone ceiling staring down at me, and a wet stickiness surrounding me.

_Figures, _I thought, _did I even expect someone to find me?... or much less worry about me? Of course not._

Just then I heard the door open, and footsteps getting louder as they came closer. I just stayed still, _maybe whoever it is won't notice me…_

I fixed my eyes on a spot on the ceiling and became determined not to blink. But, as my luck would have it, the dratted annoyance of a person noticed that I was there. As I lay there a pale face entered my view and I blinked. _Damn._

"What are you doing?" the pale face asked, I couldn't quite see who it was, my vision was foggy, but I recognized the voice.

I remained silent wanting to maintain my nonexistent status, but the bloody git wouldn't just ignore me, "-ahem- I believe I asked you a question my little weaslette."

_**His** little weaslette?_

"What do you think I'm doing, Malfoy?" I guessed at the person… who else was that pale and called me weaslette.

"Ummm…." He just stood there, he looked a little nervous, a new look for him.

I must have been a sight; I had fallen from the platform next to the window when I fainted. There must have been blood or significant bruising on my face and body, I couldn't really tell where it might be though, I hurt everywhere.

"Why are you still here?" I asked coldly, still staring at the same spot that used to be where the ceiling was.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, still nervous……curious.

"Are you sure you care?" I wondered when I stopped being afraid of Malfoy and started treating him like the scum he was._ Then again, _I thought, _if he's scum… why is he still here?._

"Hey, I was just being nice okay?" he said, regaining his aristocratic confidence.

"Why?"

"Well what else am I supposed to do with a girl who is laying, not moving and in a pool of blood, in my thinking space." He said with the tiniest amount of defensiveness.

So that's what the stickiness was, "Thinking space, Malfoy?" I sneered.

"Yes Weaslette, even I, Draco Malfoy, need some time away from people like you once in a while to ponder things… and now, you've stained the place where I do it!" he said with his usual conceitedness.

"My deepest apologies for _staining_ your –ahem- _thinking space_, your royal _ferret_. Next time I decide to black out, I'll be sure to aim for someone else's thinking space." I said rolling my eyes.

"Thank you for your compliance," he said with mock approval --I giggled… he made me giggle-- , "now, are you going to get out of my now tarnished space, or am I going to have to continue to look down upon you?...then again that isn't much of a change now is it?"

"Ooo, clever Malfoy, were you just bashing my height or my wallet that time? And no, I prefer to remain here" I said still not looking him in the eye.

"Fine, I'll leave… but when you're finished bleeding, clean up!" Malfoy smirked the infamous Malfoy smirk and elegantly swept out of the room.

……

Now that Malfoy had left I continued to lay on the floor in my own blood, unhindered by the fact that my head was continuously bleeding.

_How was I able to partake in witty banter with Malfoy while having such injuries? …I guess pain doesn't really bother me anymore –sigh-._

I lay there thinking about the giggle that Malfoy had invoked. _I don't giggle, I used to, but not anymore! And especially not at anything Draco Malfoy said! What's getting into me?_

And then I blacked out again.

……..

Little did I know, at the moment, that Malfoy dearest had waited just outside for me to pass out again, (it was obvious that I was going to with the blood loss) and had swung me over his shoulder, cursing at the blood stains left on his overly expensive robes, and carried me to the hospital wing.

I woke up from an unintentional slumber for the second time that day, except that this time I was met by blindingly bright white walls and ceiling. And instead of sticky wetness surrounding me, I lay in a pool of lush sheets as white and just as painful to the eye as the walls. Although I have a slight suspicion that the pain in my eyes and head was not from the bright white but from the injury I had acquired.

_Damn, _I thought, _I thought that maybe this time was it, that this time I would finally die. Bloody hospital wing! Bloody Madame Pomphrey. Bloody … whoever brought me here!_

Speak of the devil, just then Madame Pomphrey bustled in to view with bandages to replace the ones that already occupied my head area. She efficiently did her job without speaking, she then said hurriedly in her whispery voice, "You should thank that Malfoy boy, you could've _died_!"

_FUCK YOU MALFOY!_

She bustled off again and I lay there staring at the ceiling willing the head to start bleeding again so that I might have a chance once again at death, but it didn't…_damn head_.

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A/N: remember, she's not suicidal… she just wants to die. haha, so if yo liked it comment! if you didnt like it comment and tell me what im doin wrong... either way... just comment! thankyou and goodnight!haha, so if yo liked it comment! if you didnt like it comment and tell me what im doin wrong... either way... just comment! thankyou and goodnight! 


	11. Friendship? or something else

I got out of the hospital wing three days later with strict instructions to apply a disgusting looking ointment to my scar, which inhabited the back of my neck, 2 times a day; I swiftly tossed the ointment in the closest trash receptacle directly after leaving the infirmary.

I had class now, I supposed that the ever gracious Professor Snape would understand my absence due to my recent little mishap in the astronomy tower… and if he didn't, then I'd let him loose sleep over it, cause I certainly wasn't going to.

I headed towards the library; I was going to research the possession of humans. Hopefully I would find some explanation, or reasoning to the fact that Draco Malfoy's soul and spirit could temporarily be overtaken by my love.

I reached my destination and strode towards Madame Pince's desk. Madame Pince was terrified of me, for one the attacks was just outside of the library and she had seen me leaving the 'scene of the crime' with blood covered hands. I asked for the key to the restricted section and she timidly handed it to me with a trembling hand, she was too afraid to refuse me access.

I made my way into that section of the library and searched for any books on possession. I came up with, _The Mind and The Hunter_, that was rendered useless.

Also there was, _Symptoms, Affects, and Evasion of Possession_, that confirmed the fact that Malfoy was indeed possessed the night he was in my room. It said that the victim of possession will appear disoriented and frightened after the purpose of the possession was fulfilled, that also told me that Tom wanted to read my diary, hmm…

The last book I came up with was, _Communicating with Spirits, Or Lack There Of. _All that told me was that it was possible that previously existing but fully deceased spirits can still possess or communicate with beings that have some sort of relation to them, Malfoy's father was a death-eater and part of the "family" of death-eaters thus the relation to Draco.

….…

When I had finished research I headed up towards my dorm, I was exhausted from the intensive healing I had undergone.

Once I was there I lit a candle and took up my diary to start a new letter, suddenly I heard a tapping on my window, there outside was a jet black owl, and a letter tied to its leg.

I opened the window to let it in. The black owl indignantly held out its leg. I untied the letter and unfolded it, it was from Professor Snape, it informed me that I had detention tonight at eight due to my unexcused absence. I swiftly held the letter over my candle and watched it burn, I would _not_ spend tonight it detention.

After I had burned the letter I lost interest in writing in my diary, so I decided to take a shower. Other than write letters when I had lost interest in everything else and wanted to renew my lifeless state, I took showers, lots of showers… sometimes up to four at a time. I would take the shower, dry off, and get back in.

So I took of all my clothes, revealing the many scars left from Tom, we had a very rough relationship, but I loved the scars… the marks… the only thing I had left of him (besides the diary). I turned the water on –cold- and got in. the cold water seemed familiar, it didn't even make me shiver anymore. Just then I heard footsteps coming into the bathroom, usually there are not any people up in the dorms during classes…. _Oh god … what if they see the scars?_

I decided to forgo my shower taking until another time and reached for my towel to hide my body from whoever had disrupted my privacy… but it wasn't there. I stuck my head out of the shower and saw a very distraught Hermione trying very hard to cast a straitening spell on her hideous mop of hair, while sobbing. She tried but was unsuccessful.

_Someone probably told her she looked like a yeti again, such a fucking useless girl… emotions always get in her way…plus she's way too dependant on my psychotic brother and his alleged (at least in my mind) gay lover Harry._

I yelled her name so she could hear over her screeching. She turned to me, tears running down her face.

"Could you hand me my towel?" it had fallen.

Hermione made a squeaking sound and went back to her spell work.

_Fine, she's going to make me do this the hard way… isn't she! Fucking prat!_

As fast as I could I ran out of the shower to fetch the towel, but the damned shower track caught my foot and I went sprawling out onto the bathroom floor.

I grabbed for my towel, but it was too far away. I looked up at Hermione because the screeching had stopped and I saw that her eyes widened considerably as she scanned my naked body.

_FUCK!_

"G-ginny, you know th-that you have scars a-all over you… r-right? She struggled with the words.

And I struggled not to say, 'yes, you dimwit, I know!'

Instead I said, "I fell down the stairs…"

"Like h-hell you did gin! I'm going to get Harry!" she said nervously.

_CHRIST…fine, go get Harry you bloody git! He'll think that I did this to myself and want to know how I_ feel_ and if I'm okay, and make be go see a bloody shrink, NOT LIKELY GOLDEN BOY!_

Hermione ran out of the room, I stood up and ran to my trunk, I threw on my black t-shirt and some baggy blue jeans and headed towards the window.

I had used this route before to escape from the dream team. There is a secret stairway on the outside of the tower that if you take will bring you to the edge of the lake, which is where I spent the majority of my time, writing.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs I tripped over someone who was sitting up against the stone wall of the castle. I turned and looked, _figures_, Draco Malfoy sat there smirking at me.

He just continued to sit there, not doing anything but staring at me and continuing to smoke his cigarette. Finally he moved, he held out the pack of cigs to me. I didn't smoke; I had never tried it … until then. I figured 'what the hell, might as well.'

I took the pack and slid a slender cigarette out of it. Malfoy motioned for me to come closer, and I did. He lit my cigarette and I breathed in, my throat and lungs contracted and I coughed violently for about ten seconds. Malfoy just sat there laughing.

"Haven't you ever smoked before weaslette?"

"Sorry Malfoy, but I'm a smoking virgin… disappointed?"

"Not in the least Red, you're way too innocent to have ever done anything bad for you… besides of course the laying in your own blood 'till you pass out thing."

He called me Red, Tom used to call me Red.

"And however would you know that I passed out again, dear Malfoy? …you left." I remembered my almost conversation with Pomphrey.

"Well Red, I felt a really strong urge to think at that moment, and I just couldn't have you sitting in my spot now could I? By the way you owe me new robes, the ones I was wearing are now completely saturated in you blood." He stated laughingly

I rolled my eyes and took another drag on my cigarette and found myself in another coughing fit.

"No Red! Stop trying so hard to make it work! Just breathe and you'll be fine… in fact better than fine." Malfoy drawled

I took his advice, before I had been trying to basically suck air out of the cig, but now I was breathing normally and I felt the soft bitter tasting smoke slide down my throat like a snake and for the first time in a long time a smile graced my lips. I exhaled and sat down across from Malfoy.

"Thanks Malfoy" two words I never thought I'd say.

"For what?"

_Not for saving my life! You idiot!_ "For taking me to the infirmary" I lied, and my smile disappeared.

"You didn't look to happy about when you woke up…" he said amused

"You were there!" I asked, surprised

"I left before you saw me… I got bored of the dull conversation with Pomphrey" he shrugged

"Oh"

"Whatever" he shrugged again.

"So what the hell are you doing out here anyway?" I asked, thankful for his lack of curiosity.

"Uhm… smoking?" he questioned.

"At the foot of Gryffindor Tower?" I inquired

"You have a problem with that Red? He quirked his eyebrow.

"Just seems odd is all."

"Actually, I saw you climbing down my staircase… and I came over… I didn't intend for you to step on me though." He said sarcastically.

I blushed, "sorry…"

He shrugged.

I stood up and leaned against the wall next to where he sat, only because I had to move… sitting still did not suit me.

Draco stood up as well, "you expect me to look up at you Red? –Hmpf-"

"No… I got bored of sitting there… so I moved, I'm sorry if it offended you." I giggled, damn… I gotta stop this giggling business.

"If it had offended me I suppose I would've done something other than just stand." He said in mock defense.

"Oh really? And what would you have done?" I asked smirking a challenge.

"Something to shock you, and make you think… I suppose….. maybe." He seemed to be fooling around with an idea of some sort.

_Why are we talking like I used to with my friends that aren't my friends anymore?... why are we being civil? Are we FLIRTING? Oh god, what am I doing?_

"And what do you think would shock me?" I challenged him again. _I AM flirting! What the hell am I doing!_

Unexpectedly Malfoy moved his face towards mine quickly and captured my lips with his, he drew his tongue across my lower lip and to my surprise I allowed him access to my mouth, but he withdrew from the kiss faster than he had initiated it.

"That would shock you." He smirked.

"If I offended you… you would kiss me?"

"Uhm…"

"Jeez, what if I made you really happy? ... if that happens when you're mad you must really be incredibly when you're happy!" _oh my god WHAT DID I JUST SAY?_

"Uh… I m-mean," I stuttered.

"No problem Red, I _am_ an amazing kisser… anyone would be stunned into telling the truth!" he said arrogantly.

"The truth Malfoy?"

"Yes the truth… you knoooow your crazy about me, everyone is!" he said partly sarcastic, partly arrogant.

"You know Malfoy… it's weird… but we're actually being civil to each other." I regretted those words as soon as they escaped my lips. Malfoy visibly tensed, and his smile disappeared.

"Uh, yea… well, you're a _whore_ and I'm in the mood for a quickie….but I guess that's not happening" he quickly regained his composure, and walked away in his normal aristocratic way.

_What the fuck is up with him? ... whatever… it's for the best, I actually was starting to feel normal… and that can't happen! I've got to suffer for what I've done to everyone!_

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A/N: well... thats somethin ta think about in'it! 


	12. Fall into Heaven or a Deeper Hell

After my surprisingly friendly encounter with Malfoy I found about six stones that I transfigured into a pack of cigarettes. I found that I liked the sensation they induced, and although I didn't deserve a release I decided that they helped me remain detached. Smoking was shunned by most of the people occupying the school, so I was alienating myself even more by smoking. I stuffed the pack into my pocket and started walking my usual route around the lake. I figured it was a way to waste time and to evade Hermione Harry and whoever else they have after me by now. As I reached the end of my walk I watched the first falling leaf of the whomping willow flutter to the ground.

I walked into the great hall, to eat my fake lunch for lack of anything better to do. I sat at the least populated area of the Gryffindor table, collected a small lunch and sat there pushing it around on my plate.

I felt someone staring at me but decided against looking to see who it was. After I had sat there for about ten minutes I lost interest in the different pictures I could make with my food and left the great hall. I headed up towards my room, not intending to go to my afternoon classes either due to my head injury that I intended to milk for all it was worth. I ducked through the portrait hole and found myself encircled by Hermione Harry and my brother.

"Shit" I whispered

I backed up slowly until I was up against the portrait hole.

"Ginny!" the head of the dream team barked at me as I was dashing out of the common room back into the corridor.

I heard the three 'friends' of mine scrambling to get out of the room to follow me, so I ran. I'm not sure where I was running to, but I sure as hell knew what I was running away from. I heard the shouts from to Dream Team trying to get me to stop and talk to them, but there was no bloody way in hell that I was going to do either.

In a last ditch effort to evade the inevitable I ducked behind a tapestry and to my surprise there was not a wall where there should have been, I backed up expecting to find the cold hard stone come in contact with my back but it never came. All of a sudden I was falling, there must've been a trap door of some sort, or a secret passage way in the form of a slid. Anyway, when I finally stopped falling I looked around and I found myself in a place I had never been before.

It seemed I was in the depths of the school somewhere, possibly in a part of the Slytherin Dungeon, or whatever you want to call it, because there were green wall hangings and green carpets, and green candles floating around in the air.

I stood up on my wobbly legs and looked around for someplace where I should probably head. But once again, just my god damned luck I came face to face with Malfoy.

_This ALWAYS happens!_

"what are you doing here?" he asked sharply.

"I fell"

"you fell?" he was skeptical.

"I fell, did you not hear me the first time?"

"I heard you." He answered seriously, he was being very serious, not even a smirk found it's way onto his face.

"How do you get out of this place Malfoy?"

"why did you go behind the tapestry." He asked, he obviously knew what he was talking about.

"excuse me?" I asked feigning clueless-ness.

The tapestry of the serpent and dragon fighting… sixth floor, why did you go _behind_ it?... it's the only place that allows you to _fall_ to this location." he _did _know what he was talking about.

"I was hiding, how do I get out of here?" I tried to change the subject.

"from what?"

"what are you talking about malfoy? I asked you how do I get out of here!"

"what were you hiding from? And you know exactly what I'm talking about, stop trying to change the damn subject!" he was still being serious, I was getting nervous.

"the dream team." I stated and rolled my eyes.

"who?"

"harry, ron, and Hermione." Stating the obvious.

"I thought they were your friends."

" 'were' being theoperative word in that sentence." Once again rolling my eyes.

"oh, I saw you at lunch." He said, changing the subject but still obviously in interrogation mode.

"so." I said, still in denial mode.

"so, why didn't you eat?"

"why do you care, I thought I was just a whore?" I said defensivly.

"Yea, so… whores need to eat to ya' know!"

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A/N: hmmm... review please! 


	13. Dealing with Demons

Review Replies:

Eternallyasleep- thanks for reading, not much really happened in this chapter but it will… I promise!

Apathetically interested- THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! Yes I am it's sad, but thank you for reading and especially for reviewing! And yes, it is a dark fic… I like them like that! Also it is true, Draco is very PMS-y in this story… it'll get better…and thanks I try really hard to get my updates up fast because I hate waiting myself… so, that's it THANKS!

Me- yea sorry 'bout the length, I'm working on that …. The length of this one is slightly disappointing though… don't be too mad!

Julie- Basically I love you! Yea… that's it!

"OH MY GOD! Malfoy you are such a git! First you're worried about my eating and the next thing I know YOU'RE CALLING ME A FUCKING WHORE AGAIN! So make a decision _Malfoy_, care about me! Or don't! Be my friend! Or don't! I don't fucking care which one it is but don't switch back and forth between the two hourly!" I shouted gaining a slight audience of Slytherins that seemed puzzled as to why I was there.

Malfoy looked shocked at my outburst.

"I've gone a long time without friends Malfoy; I don't even deserve to have friends! I can deal with a lot but your mood swings are driving me insane! So make up your bloody mind! When you've decided find me! Or don't! I don't give a wit, just stop doing what your fucking doing!" my voice consistently got louder throughout my speech, I turned quickly around and my robes billowed out behind me as a stalked towards the nearest onlooker. I think his name was Blaise.

"Blaise, which way to the exit!" I asked sternly and he pointed left, I walked away.

"Am I really that moody?" Malfoy whined to Blaise, "Yea mate, ye are… it's bloody annoying too! I agree with the weaslette!"

"OI!" Malfoy protested but everyone just walked away.

When I finally got out of that murky place I ran to the nearest exit to the castle and continued running until I reached the place that Malfoy and I had spoken, at the base of Gryffindor tower. I roughly pulled the pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and extracted one from its prison. I quickly cast a fire spell on it: _enflammo_

And took a long drag, I still coughed a little being as it was only my second time smoking in my entire life… but I liked it. _You don't deserve to like things Ginny! You're scum, you're not worth anything and you don't deserve to enjoy yourself!_ I heard my own voice ringing through my ears but couldn't extinguish the cigarette for fear of never feeling anything ever again…._but isn't that what you want?_ I asked myself.

I just sat there, waiting… I didn't really care if Draco …Malfoy wanted to be my friend or not… I didn't need friends, I just liked his company, plus I didn't deserve any better company that him… _you don't even deserve him!_

Meanwhile, Malfoy sat in his dorm and thought. He thought about all the times he had for no reason been overtaken with rage and hate and taken it out on whoever was there. He had always blamed his outbursts on the blood his father and the dark lord had exchanged and that now poisoned his blood. (That's right ladies and gentlemen he didn't want to become a death-eater like every other living Malfoy had). But maybe the mood swings and destructive behavior towards his relationships were just part of who he was. Malfoy thought about how Ginny made him feel like he didn't have to hide behind his mask of cruelty, and just be able to lose himself and forget who he was and who he was with. But maybe there was no mask, maybe he was cruel… he certainly acted like it… even to his friends. Because when reminded of his company he would automatically switch back to the ever plaguing Lucious's son mode, or maybe he was just being himself…hmmm.

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A/N: it's really really short I know! Don't hit me please! But, I can't really go any further while staying on the same track, and without completely ruining the story! But next chapter I promise promise promise promise will be longer… much longer. 


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